Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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