I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
