As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
