U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
