i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
