Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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