do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i came on her dog
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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