I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
