I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize