in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
