is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
