I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize