"it" just moved
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
