I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
a search helicopter?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
