my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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