You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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