yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
