my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
