but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
