he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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