dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
