just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
