Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
