I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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