he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
