There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
