why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
