it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
