She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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