; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
