I think i peed on brittanys purse
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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