escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
