You just made me feel so damn special
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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