Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
