wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tornado booty call.. dedication
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
