it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
