i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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