if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
