And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
