I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
