you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
