she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
