omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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