I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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