thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
