So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
