is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize