My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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