hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
