3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
