She is in my trunk
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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