I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
