Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
True strength comes from lack of pants
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
is it fun? or sober?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
