Do you still have your period?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
