I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
