Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
