We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
