Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
