well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
