Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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