I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
