By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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