I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
