It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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