I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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