HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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