do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh god it's open bar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
