I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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