there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Green mimosas i think yes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
