I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
