Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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