If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
