i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
