she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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