I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
