Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I want a musical about memes.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
