I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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