I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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