she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
