Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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