we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
