jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
