There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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