O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
are you so shy because you have an std?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
