I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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