so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
