Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
