remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everything about him screamed your future.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
