new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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