Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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