Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
