Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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