Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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