Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i wish my penis had a tongue
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
