You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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