My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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