what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
