i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize