oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
