cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
