it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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