I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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