I want to have your abortion
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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