I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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