she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
