I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
