I want to stick my p in your. b.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
