I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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