I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
