M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
