I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
