white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize