Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
