Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
