i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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