this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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