I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
