im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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