Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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