exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
