eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
