Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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