Non-Jews are for practice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
