in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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