She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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