"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
