I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
