he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
